I had sort of an epiphany in the last few days . . . . it was like I figured something out about myself . . . something that I've been doing and I knew I was doing it, but I put a "label" on it now. I have been struggling with envy! If you knew my life you would SO give me a LECTURE right now because really I have NOTHING to be envious about . . . but alas . . . I created things to be envious about. How about ALONE TIME? How about the worldview that is created when we watch television? (I want this, I want that.) How about when I see some of my own family members without children get all the free time in the world to do whatever they want. OUCH! I could cry right now when I admit that thought out loud. But I just wanted to be honest with you. You see, I "only have 2 kids", but yet I feel like a prisoner sometimes. I know I create that prison myself. . . . I could go out. But that would be a stress to me.
The envy is just eating me inside. I've never admitted it before. I am happy with my life and all that my family is to me! But when I see someone who has an amount of freedom to do whatever they want, it just does something to me . . . . I know I'm not supposed to be envious! My mind says NO! My mind says I need an attitude adjustment . . . . yup, I need prayer.
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2 comments:
I'm with you. Just remember that "freedom" is relative. I sometimes pine for it, too, and then I remember the times of loneliness and boredom that came with the package. You have every right to claim space and time just for you - in fact, you need to do it. Without guilt or stress. If you take care of you, you'll be better able to take care of your little guys. It just takes being more intentional to get away than it used to -- but it's worth it.
Thank you! Taking time without guilt is the hard part. I know it's true that when I do take a few hours away I come home refreshed and I miss the little guys (ok, the big guy too, haha). It's soooo true, but the guilt seeps in somehow that I was selfish in taking it! Maybe it should just be a habit somehow.
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